GutterGirl History

(The following journal chronicals the evolution of GutterGirl. The first entries reference the band 'The Cyst', which evetually changed names to GutterGirl.)

The Continental show was a quite a success. GutterGirl made a new friend, while publicly humilating him, Lance thwarted unwelcome advances, Nicole displayed the latest in Turnpike-Rest-stop Fashion minus the brush in the back pocket, and David rocked like the pro that he his. The many famous attendees were treated to a night of Pus-Filled Punk Rock as only The CyST can deliver. Much thanks to the other bands that played : JONES CRUSHER, SCRAP, SPIDER VIRUS, and THE FOOL

It appears as though our next show will be at Meow Mix on Avenue A and Suffolk (for the non-Lebanese). Lance and Dave plan on shaving close for this one, as to avoid possible violence. Lance was quoted as saying 'duct tape and pubic hair don't mix'(explatives were removed for the sake of the children). I guess he's preparing a disguise.

The Meow Mix show went great. No fights to report and Lance escaped the bar un-festered. He was, however, struck by a Stridex delivery truck outside the club, leaving him paralyzed from the forehead down. His replacement will be none other than the infamous Dick Phitzwell. When asked about his new position, Dick responded, "I think it'll be a good fit." We'll just have to see about that.
We're looking forward to our Squeeze Box gig. Ewww! We're planning an elaborate laser light show and live executions. So, don't miss it, it's Dick's debut show.
The Squeeze Box Party ended up being a frolicking good time for all. After the initial fear of real punk rock wore off, the crowd warmed up to GutterGirl and before long, Mascara was flowing like champagne. While Guttergirl and Nicole showed 'em the real deal, Dave and Dick kept it in their collective pants (well, at least at the club). This week is going to be about as cyst-ridden as any Dick can stand. On Wednesday April 29, The CySt will be playing at Coney Island High for an all-ages, punk rock extravaganza. Dick was inquiring about NYC's age of consent. Somebody told him it was based on height. I think he had better check I.D.'s. On Friday, The CyST will bring their brand of decadence to beautiful Hoboken, NJ, birthplace of Frank 'Mosh Pit' Sinatra. On Sunday, they will return to Meow Mix where their last performance was more satisfying than any man.
Well, we made it through our extensive one week tour of New York City. The Coney show was the first stop for the CySt's 'Dermatological Mystery Tour' bus. The outfits were recently purchased, the crowd was enthusiastic, but the beer was over-priced. The second stop, Hoboken, turned out to be a contest of extremes, as the opening band showered the attending folks with shredded paper, the CyST rallied back with Hardcore intensity. Guttergirl charmed the audience with her assets as she bent down to twiddle her amplifier knobs. Hoboken was a'buzz the following day, as word got 'round that The CyST was more than a collection of pretty faces. As a climax to the week long journey, the bus pulled up to our favorite venue, Meow Mix.

This was no regular performance. The 'Cystic' women were taunted into removing their clothing during the latter part of the set, as well as that of their male counterparts. The crowd was mighty pleased and moved in for a closer look. Dick was shocked in horror as he was forced to play drums while being publicly undressed by GutterGirl (well not exactly in horror) and David Matos, always prepared, sported the finest in Calvin Klein whities. Nicole had the flower print thong, GutterGirl, the famous 'winking eye crotch' panties and Dick... well Dick, was a little less prepared.
Well, how do I put this(?), the cyst is no more. The boil has been lanced, the tumor extracted, the zit popped. We've fallen apart, re-grouped and restructured and now we are truly ready to rock. The band is now called


and the membership includes the following:
  • GutterGirl - Lead Vocals, Guitar, mini-skirt.
  • Scott - Guitar, Backing Vocals, (drums)
  • Joey Warethufaukes - Drums
  • David Matos - Guitar, Backing Vocals (When not touring to support Michael Bolton)

    On a sad note, we'd like to give our condolences to the Phitzwell family (Rod Phitzwell and Dinah Shore-Phitzwell, John-Thomas and Bootie Phitzwell) , for the loss of their brother and son Dick. We hope that you , in no way, consider us responsible for his untimely death. We were completely unaware of his condition when we ordered his birthday present and there were no size restrictions on the box.
    We played a gig at Meow Mix. Yes we did.
    This is getting complicated. Anyway, GutterGirl went to Baltimore, MD with Scott (Drums), Red Narrow (Guitar), and Ded Narrow (Bass) and played a small club in Dundalk. Well ... Baltimore Gas and Electric was not ready to handle the super-charged intensity with which G.G. rocks and, subsequently, many fuses were blown. This aside, we regret to announce the demise of our drummer (Scott), he was drug (dragged?) to death behind the back of a pickup truck after completing a rousing rendition of 'Gay Bar'. I guess the great folks of Baltimore aren't as open minded as us yankee-types. But no worries, eh, he has been replaced by none other than the incredible, the infamous, and in some places, hated,

    Grandma Death

    That's right. Better hide the dirty laundry, better take out that trash, better stock up on Geritol, because she's here and she's pissed.

    That leaves the current line-up as:
  • GutterGirl - Vocals, Guitar
  • Ded 'The Drunken Brit' Narrow - Bass
  • Red Narrow - Super Model D.
  • Grandma Death - Drums
    This line-up is actually expected to survive for more than a single show, excepting Grandma, that is. The state of her internals is highly questionable. Either way, GutterGirl will go forth and continue her reign of musical terror in the classic punk rock diva tradition.

    Well, we played at Parkside. For a wholesome family experience, it can't be beat. Grandma was nearly killed when she tried to take a piss, and later smashed her finger until it bled. Red and Ded broke more stuff (as expected) and GutterGirl smashed a mic stand. Consequently, we are looking for financial backing. If you know of anyone with expendible musical equipment and/or money please contact us GutterGirl was quoted as saying "This shit's getting expensive." So please, won't you help?
    P.S. Buttergirl called this page 'verbose'. If you agree, please let me know at
  • Monday August 17,1998:
    We played Meow Mix last night and the scene was chaotic. Where do I start?
  • GutterGirl abused Ded Narrow to the point of minor contusions, flashed the audience, spit beer on people, broke a mic, destroyed and sexually violated a perfectly good baby doll, and verbally abused a few folks.
  • Red Narrow wore a see-through house dress and fancy hat and played guitar with a cymbal.
  • Ded Narrow knocked Grandma's borrowed drum kit over while smashing his bass and dumped an entire beer on G.G.'s head.
  • I (G. Death) cut my finger, again, prior to actually playing (on a broken cymbal), then proceeded to contort my body like Corky on crack.
    I have a sneaking suspision that GutterGirl won't be performing at this establishment again. I would personally like to apologize for, no, wait ......... fuck it. We're a punk rock band.

    Many thanks to the members of the Punch Drunk Monkeys for their help and the use of all their equipment. You guys fucking rock. Please send the bill for all damages incurred to the GutterGirl Relief Fund. We'd also like to thank GoreKnuckle for their great performance.

    No this is not an acceptance speech, but if you've got some award for me, I'll take it.

    G. Death

    Here's the latest:
    Guttergirl fired the Narrow Bros. At the press conference (in her apartment) she gave the following statement:
    'I've fucking had it with the Narrow Brothers'.
    After firing the Brother's Narrow, plans were to take a couple of months off and write some new songs. This plan was soon laid to waste as GutterGirl's presence was requested, once again, by the folks at Meow Mix. But what to do? G.G. had no band. Many attempts were made to find some last minute scabs, but to no avail. So, G.G. resinded her firing of the Bros. and brought them back for another show.
    Well the Meow Mix show was as good as one might expect. With only one recent rehearsal under their belts, the Narrow Brothers were in top form. Ded lived up to his rep, removing his pants after much taunting from G.G. Red wore only a T-shirt and Grandma was stripped down to her drawers by G.G. Ded Narrow smashed a beer mug on the floor and once again destroyed his bass.
    Here's the latest: We're Playing Meow Mix next Wednesday for a Led Zepplin tribute. Ded Narrow, being a Brit, has vowed to create much rock-n-roll havoc in honor of his favorite band. Luckily, his recent mugging left him only with a small slug behind his right eye. He says he can barely feel it. I myself, have noticed a pretty radical personality change in Ded. I guess the frontal lobe of the brain is an important one. He's taken to building small gerbil dwellings out of Lincoln Logs and calling himself 'Jesus Rodentia'. I'm sure it's only temporary, besides, he looks kinda cool in a robe and sandals.
    Red was recently interviewed by Teen Beat Magazine (or some similar pub.). We will keep you updated when the article comes out.
    G. Death
    Well we played Meow Mix last night for the LZ tribute and the place was rockin'. The quote of the night came from the friendliest of bouncers (just after our show) who said: "Do you guys plan this fucking shit?". No, we do not.
    Ded did not plan on throwing his bass into the drum kit and knocking it over. Consequently, G. Death had no plans that involved pushing Ded into the P.A. and nearly killing a few audience members with falling speakers. It just happened. Someone had obviously woken up on the wrong side of the lesbian.

    G. Death
    Sorry for the time gap, but being a Grandma is a full time job.

    We played Continental recently and things went swell. A certain drummer from another band (who shall remain nameless), made comments, however, to the contrary. We're not sure how we will respond to this unsolicited attack , but be sure, retribution will be swift and the mafia will be involved.

    G. I. Joe Death
    This page is getting too fucking long. So, the next entry will be made on a new page.

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